A Mossflower Night's Dream
by Sofricus Aurora Zakuro
Summary: What do you get when you combine A Midsummer Night's Dream and Redwall? Find out.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Brian Jacques owns Redwall. William Shakespeare owns "A Midsummer Night's Dream" All characters I came up with are owned by me.

Tannic Fang and his mate, Leseera, and their clan, the Juskafang, control all of Mossflower Wood. But Tannic and Leseera fight-all the time. Now, Leseera has possession of an infant Taggerung warrior, and she wants to raise and train him-but so does Tannic. Tannic and his vixen seer, Alana, use a magic potion (which makes Leseera fall in love with the first thing she sees when she wakes up) to get revenge on Lese.

Meanwhile, at Redwall Abbey, the Redwall Warrior, Thedor, is preparing to get married to Circe, who stepped down from her position as Abbess just to marry him. But discord spreads, centered among a group of captives freed from some vermin by Thedor. Aquiline, matriarch of the squirrel clan rescued, is fed up with her daughter Andromeda. Andromeda wants to marry Logan, the youthful Redwall Recorder, but she wants her to marry Dorjan, a squirrel in her clan (who loves Andro). Thedor tries to settle the discord, but two things hinder him. Aquiline's clan has long been in feud with the clan headed by Dirk, Logan's brother, and Andro and Logan's love (because of this feud) is forbidden. Also, when Dorjan first arrived at Redwall, he gently flirted with Tessa, a kitchen maid. Now he's forgotten her as he chases Andromeda, but Tessa is still besotted.

Meanwhile, a group of young adults from Redwall (Grif, Dee, Walgy, Audrey, Nolan, and Mir) enter Mossflower Woods alone. They plan to make a marvelous berry pie for Thedor and Circe's wedding, but know nothing about cooking. Chaos ensues when they accidentally stumble into the territory of the Juskafang………

Characters:

**OMNIPOTENT GUEST AUTHOR: **I wrote it. I'm the author. WHAT ELSE IS THERE TO SAY?

**Thedor-**Warrior of Redwall _(Theseus) _

**Circe-**engaged to Thedor _(Hippolyta) _

**Soapstone-**hare, chief entertainer _(Philostrate) _

**Aquiline-**head of squirrel clan rescued by Thedor _(Egeus) _

**Andromeda-**daughter of Aquiline _(Hermia) _

**Dorjan-**from Aquiline's clan, Aquiline wants him to marry Andro, he loves her/she hates him _(Demetrius) _

**Logan-**Redwall recorder, in love with Andromeda _(Lysander) _

**Dirk-**Logan's brother, leads clan of archer mice _(Not represented in MSND) _

**Friar Bump-**Redwall cook _(Not represented in MSND) _

**Tessa-**kitchen maid, in love with Dorjan _(Helena) _

**Grif-**male otter _(Bottom) _

**Dee-**female hedgehog _(Flute) _

**Walgy-**male hedgehog _(Snug) _

**Audrey-**female squirrel _(Quince) _

**Nolan-**male mouse _(Snout) _

**Mir-**female otter _(Starveling) _

**Tannic Fang-**King of the Juskafang _(Oberon) _

**Leseera Fang-**Queen of the Juskafang _(Titania) _

**Alana-**Tannic's vixen seer _(Puck) _

**Twotail-**Captain in Juskafang _(Fairy) _

**Halfwit **_(Peaseblossom) _

**Slughead **_(Mustardseed) _

**Dolby **_(Cobweb) _

**Iiilan-**_(Moth)_

Leseera's chief captains/attendants


	2. Act One, Scene One: The Plan

**Act I, Scene I (in Redwall's Great Hall) **

**Thedor: **I confess, I am restless

**Circe: **Then take up your sword, noble warrior that you are

**Thedor: **Even my mighty and revered sword _(hoist Martin's sword) _brings me no pleasure. When can we be married?

**Circe: **Four days. _You've known that for what-a season? _

**Thedor (to Soapstone): **Go—uh, tell—wait, no, that won't—uh—OH JUST GO TELL PEOPLE TO BE HAPPY AND CELEBRATE, FOR GOODNESS SAKES!

**Soapstone: **Sure. Whatever. I'm going. I'll be back in Act 5, when I actually get a chance to TALK for more than one line.

(Exit Soapstone)

**Circe: **Hey, look, it's Aquiline, and—some random squirrels and mice. I think that's her daughter, Andromeda.

(Enter Aquiline, Andromeda, Logan, Dirk, and Dorjan)

**Aquiline-**I would say something reverent here, but I'm just a warrior hillbilly with no good sense at all.

**Thedor: **What's the matter? How dare you disturb me when I have nothing to do anyway?

**Aquiline: **I'm fed up. Andromeda here has been engaged to Dorjan here since before we got captured. Now that we're at this Redwall place, she claims to like this Logan dude and not want to marry Dorjan.

**Circe: **Why not let her marry Logan?

**Aquiline: **Because this guy here, Dirk, is Logan's brother. His clan and mine have been feuding for years. So Andro and Logan aren't allowed to like each other.

**Thedor: **Why are you feuding?

**Dirk: **That's a good question.

**Logan: **According to the dusty, ancient tome I found in the gate house that is actually the Rambling Musings of So-and-So the Wanderer, Aquiline's clan and Dirk's are supposed to fight because Dirk's great-great-great-great grandfather Thingo stole Aquiline's great-great-great-great grandmother Thingy's apple turnover.

**Andromeda: **Oh, Logan, you are _sooo _amazingly smart! You are probably the smartest mouse I know!

**Dorjan: **Yeah, but, have you forgotten, Andro, sweet, I'M ENGAGED TO YOU!

**Thedor: **Okay, okay, since I don't really care, and I want to get back to doing nothing like I was already doing, I will give Andromeda four days to choose. Her choices are: marry Dorjan, like Aquiline wants, or drown in the Abbey pond. And because I'm feeling particularly generous, she can also choose to become a Sister here at Redwall Abbey. Which of course means that she can't marry ANYONE.

**Aquiline: **That's fair. Enough.

**Dirk: **So long as my all-important feud with old broom-tail over there can go on undisturbed.

**Aquiline: **_What did you just call me?_

**Dirk: **Broom-tail!

**Aquiline: **Big-ears!

**Circe: **Peace, you two.

**Thedor: **Now now, Circe, don't disturb yourself. Aquiline, Dirk, can you take your feuding elsewhere?

(_Exit Dirk and Aquiline, quarreling)_

**Dorjan: **Do I get to say anything else? I only got to speak once.

**Thedor: **Unfortunately, you have nothing else important to do.

**Dorjan: **I might as well leave.

(_Exit Dorjan, pouting)_

**Circe: **Come, Thedor, back to our all-important doing nothing, while we leave these two who aren't supposed to be in love unguarded to come up with secret plots.

**Thedor: **Sounds good to me.

(_Exit Thedor and Circe)_

**Logan: **Oh, Andro, what are we going to do?

**Andromeda: **I'm supposed to be a stupid helpless country-bred little squirrel warrior, remember?

**Logan: **Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to come up with the brilliant plans. Hmm….I should say something sappy and poetic here, shouldn't I?

**Andromeda: **According to the script, yes.

**Logan: **Hmmm…..got it! How about "The course of true love never did run smooth"?

**Andromeda: **Sappy, but I think that's copyrighted by Shakespeare, in the extremely romantic play this one is supposed to be based on. However, the author's mind being the twisted labyrinth it is, (A/N, this is true) the two plays bear almost no resemblance.

**Logan: **Whatever. Time for my brilliant plan: Let's sneak away into the extremely dangerous Mossflower Wood (where I might mention we have never been without an adult) to try and reach the home of my aunt, who's not part of Dirk's clan. There the law of Redwall can't catch us, and I can marry you.

**Andromeda: **Sounds okay to me. Now it is time to create even more romantic tension-with the timely arrival of Tessa!

**Tessa: **Hi. I like Dorjan. You are, like, so lucky to, like, be engaged to him, Andro!

**Andromeda: **I hate him, but he likes me!

**Tessa: **I like, like him, but he like, hates me! Because he is, like, mister "look at my archery skills" great-and-powerful-squirrel warrior, and I……

**Logan: **Am a mouse?

**Tessa: **No, I'm like, a poor kitchen maid serving under, like, Friar Bump.

**Andromeda: **Because I for some unexplainable reason feel sorry for you, I will tell you the secret we promised to tell nobody: Logan and I are escaping into Mossflower Wood…so I can get away from Dorjan!

**Logan: **Well, good luck with Dorjan. Come, Andromeda, we need to pack.

(_Exit Logan and Andromeda)_

**Tessa: **I am so like, smart that this great plan, like, occurs right away to me. I'll, like, tell old Dorjan about Logan and, like, Andromeda escaping, and he'll like, follow them, and I'll like, follow him!

_(Enter Friar Bump)_

**Friar Bump: **Back to work, you useless lump of mouse!

**Tessa: **Like, whatever, Friar Bump.

**Friar Bump: **In the kitchens, in five minutes!

(_Exit Friar Bump)_

**Tessa: **Like, coming.

(_Exit Tessa) _


	3. Act One, Scene Two: The Pie

**Act I, Scene II (A room off the kitchens in Redwall) **

_(Enter Walgy, Grif, Nolan, Audrey, Mir, and Dee. Audrey is the leader of the Impromptu Pie-Making Society, as they are called, but bossy Grif makes things miserable for the rest, especially by attempting to flirt with Audrey)_

**Audrey: **Not that I really care, but is everyone here? (_Peers around, trying to get a head count) _

**Grif: **Why don't you just call roll? You've got a list of everyone here!

**Audrey: **Sure. Welcome everybody to the Impromptu Pie-Making Society. You all are the ones thought best by Friar Bump to make a pie for the wedding of Thedor and Circe. I will call your name, and explain what your duties in baking the pie are. Grif the otter? We can tell you're here.

**Grif: **Course you can. (_Sidles close to Audrey) _Aren't I just quite noticeable? Don't you think I kind of-stand out in a crowd, eh, Audrey? What do I get to do?

**Audrey (Moving away): **Perhaps, as you're tall for an otter. You get to pick the berries. Now, Walgy the hedgehog?

**Walgy (Peers out shyly from behind a table): **Here, I guess. But…..do I have to help?

**Audrey: **Our numbers are short if you don't, Walgy. You've only got a little job, you just have to heat the oven. You don't even need to talk!

**Grif: **We can't be short on numbers, can we? Come out, and be a brave fellow like myself (_winks at Audrey) _mister Walgy!

**Audrey: **Grif, that's _quite _enough. May I kindly remind you who's in charge here? Nolan the mouse?

**Nolan: **Here, of course. What do I get to do?

**Grif: **Unfortunately, not much. You can carry these berry-baskets the lovely Audrey originally had me carry, though. Of course, your role will be for no apparent reason changed in the middle of the play, just as Shakespeare does in the original.

**Nolan: **Do I get to speak?

**Audrey: **_(Claps a paw over Grif's mouth before he can take her line again) _Afraid not, Nolan. You don't speak again until Act Three, when you help comfort the overly frightened Walgy. Now be quiet, like a good boy.

**Grif: **I can be quiet like a good boy too! See how quiet I'm being.

**Audrey: **No, Grif, we don't see. Continuing with the roll: Dee the hedgehog?

**Dee: **Here, Audrey.

**Audrey: **Hello, Dee. You will get to put the pie in the oven and take it out again.

**Dee: **Nay, faith, please Audrey! I'm so afraid of heat, don't make me do it!

**Grif: **I'm not afraid of heat, Audrey! In fact, I'd save you from a fiery inferno! Let me place the pie in the oven!

**Audrey: **No, that's Dee's job! You can't do it! Moving on. Mir, the otter?

**Mir: **Here, Audrey

**Audrey: **You are to clean the pots and pans. Are there no objections?

**Grif: **Why is nobody recognizing my greatness?

**Audrey: **Well, if there's no objections, we'll meet tonight at seven o'clock just outside the walls to start working on our pie.

**Grif: **Have your duties memorized.

**Audrey: **Meet at the huge oak by the west gate.

**Grif: **Don't bring any weapons. They're not needed.

**Audrey: **Farewell, until tonight!

**Grif: **Then—

**All: **Farewell!

_(Exit Audrey, Nolan, Dee, Mir, and Walgy)_

**Grif: **_(To audience) _Was it something I said?

_(Exit Grif) _


End file.
